Robert ‘Patti’ Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Burn the witch!

First of all, that poor Rupert Sanders, sure, he betrayed his wife but I think we can all agree that as a man he had no chance to withstand the vicious, probably vulgar and disgusting approaches of that vixen Stewart, thank God that she consented to the affair, otherwise he probably would have raped her, driven by animalistic instincts as his gender is, after all, completely void of reason.

They even admit it themselves, God bless ‘em, little dim-witted creatures

Especially long after puberty and well into their 40s, men can not be found accountable for anything they do, they are pretty much walking timeboners, not to mention that his wife probably was getting really boring and old and saggy, so who can blame him?

But secondly – and this is my actual reason for this – how dare Kristen Stewart disappoint not only her boyfriend Robert Pattinson, or Patti, as I like to call him, no, she also disappointed all the hormonally challenged fangbangers aka Patti’s fans, whose ages range from 12 to 67 and beyond and who did not hate her out of jealousy even before she committed this heinous act of fornication but obviously had vampire powers like that boring sister of Edward Cullen and saw in the future what Kristen would do at some point in the plot.

Like, seriously, Kristen

Now, because all crazed fans are reasonable and nice, they didn’t want to spoil it for Robert and tell him but they sent him message after message in hateful comments, blog entries, posts and memes about his gross and shameless then-girlfriend to somehow make the inevitable break-up easier for him.

And when she finally did it – as we all knew she would – it was no surprise that all this previously well-meant hate would turn into the feared shitstorm because that’s what she deserved.

And to top this off, this woman, this mature, wise and world weary 22 year old, dared to show moral flaws and thereby insulted my pure and Christian ways of never ever doing anything wrong. Now, I don’t know her, that’s true, I don’t know Robert, I don’t know Rupert, so I have no way of knowing what was really going on and why it came to all this. But I still have the right to condemn her and only her for the affair because any behavior that isn’t up to my moral standards (and that is shown by women that are more talented, more beautiful and wealthier than I am), is clearly of the devil and this harlot deserves everything she has coming.

Because I never would treat Robert like that if he were my boyfriend.

Mainly, because he is not my type and I would never date him but that’s not the point. I mean, maybe I would date him and then marry him and manipulate him into cheating on me so we could divorce and I would get a shitload of money. BUT I would never cheat on him. Because that’s wrong, that’s what only godless, filthy skanks do. And that’s that, my two cents to this issue.

PS: It’s not jealousy, ok you guys? I just think that she’s really horrible and untalented, more than any other actress on the planet.

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