Here’s a movie trailer that made my day: Hansel and Gretel

SURPRISE! I love Jeremy Renner, so obviously, I try to catch up with his movie work (and his private life, his internet history, doctor’s appointments and sleeping habits – just for fun). I watched the whole dire Bourne-Trilogy to understand what’s going on in the fourth movie but I really was giddy when I heard he plays in a Hansel and Gretel interpretation with blood and gore and Peter Stormare (who makes the worst movies watchable). Even if this will be the worst shlock fest ever (and it sure sounds like it) it was directed by the guy who did „Dead Snow“ – a zombie nazi ski movie! It can’t go wrong, it has Famke Janssen as the villainess and Gemma ‘where did she play again’ Arterton in it and it looks like Tarantino meets Gilliam. I am sold.

The Bourne Trilogy Answer: Something something conspiracy theory aka there’s no way that something this convoluted and complicated exists so I stopped caring during the second movie and dragged myself through the third one. It better be worth it, Jeremy!

The Gemma Arterton answer: In a lot of good British movies and – as usual – a lot of bad American movies that made no impression on me. She is pretty though, which is why I totally have to hate her, stupid bitch. Oh wait, she’s married? Oh well, I guess she is actually not that bad after all, now, I have to get going, Jeremy’s Facebook account doesn’t hack itself.

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9 thoughts on “Here’s a movie trailer that made my day: Hansel and Gretel

  1. Now I realize I might leave the impression of being kind of cranky and argumentative today, but what the heck: This looks like exactly the kind of movie I would hate from the deepest bottom of my heart for every second I’d be watching it. And I’m not talking about a fun “Wow, this is a bad movie, haha!” sort of way, but in a really bad “Man, I’m suffering here, could somebody turn this of please?” kind of way.

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    1. This is actually a movie where I really get your point, it has a sort of “train-wreck” potential but I really like to believe that it might be more clever than the trailer suggests (the trailer, however, is a trainwreck, alone that it shows too much of the plot). And if the aesthetics are good and the make up for the witches, then I’ll like it anyways, hell, I even watched Resident 3 for Milla (because I really like her) and that was one of the most boring horror movies, so I am quite sure “Hansel and Gretel” will be a lot more entertaining than that.

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      1. You might be right.
        But, just to make a day of it: I hate Milla Yovovich (enough to not even care how her name is actually spelled). She is the reason I didn’t watch Resident Evil 3.

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      2. Well, here’s one back at you: I hate when people don’t spell celebrity names correctly, there is a reason their daily banalities are more important than everything else, if we don’t even know their names by heart, what sense does life make anyway?

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      3. This is either some sort of science fiction emoticon, the UK postcode for Coventry or the nickname for the US Essex. In any case: well played.

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