A couple of months ago, I got severely into the glamorous world of “Toddlers and Tiaras” because it is so grotesque, surreal and pink that it felt like a John Waters movie on bath salts, cannibalism included.
Apart from the professional and kind of always sad-looking Eden, the biggest star of this garish show was Honey Boo Boo aka Alana, which I guess is her real name, because why not. This charming, over-weight little girl won the hearts of the audience and got her own show, together with her charming, unintelligible, over-weight and entertainingly white trash family.
And boy, it gets celebrated.
Honey Boo Boo eating a cupcake, Honey Boo Boo eating at a fancy restaurant and making a face, Honey Boo Boo doing an interview and behaving badly. Oh, she is such a riot, just a regular fat little girl who very soon will suffer from the crippling effects of obesity. That’s stellar tv right there, Germany, you can learn from this (we only touch women’s bottocks and boobs and then make rape jokes on national television, *frowny face*)
The middle ground on her is hard to find. Even worse than with Justin Bieber, Kristen Stewart or Nickelback, the opinions are dead set either you want to cuddle her fat little cheeks that are probably stuffed with candy or you want to punch her, punch her like you always punch little girls, with teeth flying and the screams of their parents lingering in the air.
You either see her as just a normal little girl enjoying every kind of trans-fat food ever invented at all times of the day as every young kid should have the right to or you think that scum like her should be put into a spaceship headed straight to the scorching surface of the sun to burn in hell.
The middle ground is less appealing. You don’t have anything against her but it is slightly gross how people celebrate her and her family for overeating. You don’t think she is a role model but you find it charming that she is confident and seems to have a family that cares, even if they don’t seem to know about diabetes.
The middle ground is also difficult, because you love being entertained by people less intelligent and definitely less attractive than you but you feel guilty about it because these shows draw a crude image of the lower middle class, the tv companies don’t really help or educate but revel in condescending, pretentious cynicism and these shows leave you with a weird sense of self-loathing and fatigue as if you just ate a deep-fried bar of butter.
Oh Honey Boo Boo, tell me, what should I do?
Getting a mini pig, got it!