It’s November and to be honest, the lack of daylight made me so sleepy that hardly anything really bugged me. Even a ranty old cat lady can have a more or less peaceful month…ok, ok, I picked on my colleague because he tends to do those stupid/sexist jokes (I give him the benefit of the doubt that he doesn’t really mean it and just wants to wind me up) but apart from that – nothing really put me into rant-mode…or at least I ranted and then forgot about it the time I got home to write it down. So, I only have three topics: Annoying Hollywood moms, catchphrase-thieves and gaming addiction…oh yeah, it has started…
Sorry, Mr. Palmer but I prefer being addicted to videogames.
1. Mother’s Guilt
Have you noticed that family values have a renaissance? The kind of where women want to have a husband and kids and don’t mind staying at home or having just a little wee job to make ends meet. Well, I think every person should plan their life however the hell they want to plan it but can celebrity moms please stop talking about how fucking guilty they feel whenever they are at work instead of chained to their baby?
It’s a bothersome side-effect of my work that I know things about celebrities that no sane person ever would want to know but the fact that there are literally dozens of Hollywood moms that feel like they are betraying the holy motherhood whenever they shoot a movie, design a collection or make commercials for cat food is killing me.
Look, Hollywood moms…you don’t have to work if you don’t want to. If the guilt tears you apart like Lisa tore apart Johnny, then just fucking quit your job. I can see how middle-class moms feel guilty about working and not having enough time for their kids because for those mothers it is actually no choice but a necessity but Drew Barrymore, Gwyneth Paltrow and Victoria Beckham are simply dicks pulling the “Oh, I feel so guilty when I have to leave my baby to the three nannies and/or my successful, handsome and perfect husband to pursue a dream-job hardly any human being can ever pursue”-card. I know why they do it. They are successful and if they don’t say that they feel guilty, other women will say that they are heartless, horrible mothers because as we all know, women hate successful women. But guess what…it’s your decision. If you feel so guilty that you leave your kid alone to be a star, then don’t be a star. Stay home, be a mommy and watch the nanny doing everything a normal mother is supposed to do. If you don’t really feel guilty and (rightfully so) think that your baby shouldn’t take all your life (especially given that you have a husband who can also take care of the kid), then work, fulfill yourself and your potential but don’t complain about a privilege that only very few women have.
2. A Dingo stole my catchphrase!
Ok, truth-time. No dingo stole my catchphrase, to be quite honest, I don’t really have a catchphrase*, at least not in the Stephen King sense (aka saying said catchphrase at least 40 times within the span of 100 pages so the reader REALLY gets it). But I have a wide array of mostly old-fashioned phrases stacked up in my brain that I now and then like to use for comedic effect. Maybe you know how an anachronistic phrase used in the right circumstances can really lift the mood, especially when the circumstances are shitty and frustrating situations. Well, amongst those, I had a certain phrase which I used every other month and it was always beautiful to see the people’s faces light up. It was a sure winner.
Well…a colleague stole that phrase from me. That colleague uses it in a way that destroyed any humor of it, now and then it becomes funny again because that colleague uses it abundantly (seriously, 3-6 times each day within 6 hours) but mostly, it doesn’t even fit the occasions. I gotta be honest, being witty is something that doesn’t just come easy, I have to hone my trade, have to pick up weird and wonderful words, phrases, metaphors and ingest humor of all sorts to have a good selection to pick from. To lose this finely tuned phrase…it was hard. Maybe it is good that way because I now have to find something else, something new but still…I never thought that Stephen King’s use of annoying phrases was a real thing. Of all the crazy things that he wrote, this was the one I never thought to be true. Silly ole me.
*I guess, the closest thing to a catchphrase is my only reply to the horrible small-talk phrase “How are you?” which is the Low-German “What mutt, dat mutt” which can’t be really translated but it means that you gotta keep rolling with the punches.
3. Damn you, Playstation!
Yeah, the main reason why I haven’t posted that many articles is my new Playstation3 (yes, I didn’t buy the new one because I am a cheap asshole…also because I wanted one when the new one wasn’t out yet, so sue me). I bought “The Last of Us” and “Batman: Arkham Origins” with it but haven’t gotten to be the Dark Knight yet because “Last of Us” is insanely good, especially for a sucky noob like me. So, there I was, spending the last couple of weekends shooting and stabbing zombies (and being quite terrified of them – I get emotionally involved) instead of writing some articles for the week and quite possibly for the rest of the year. Sorry, but it’s the end of the year, I guess, I can cut myself some slack, right? RIGHT?